a large envelope

a new york city police helicopter slowly approached the front lawn of the building 
the security guard watched the snow swirl off the grass in the prop wash as the craft touched the ground
a police officer climbed out of the helicopter and ran to the front door with a large envelope in his hand
the guard opened the front door and the two men walked down a long corridor
turbed right 
ran up a flight of stairs 
then jogged to the end of the hallway
they entered a room full of computers and a middle aged man with a red nose and a potbelly turned to see who entered the room
he saw the officer with the guard
and he approached while still holding a fresh computer printout in his hand
"SOME PEOPLE ARE AT A LOSS AND HELPLESS IF THEY DON'T GET INSTRUCTION FROM SOMEONE FOR THREE DAYS 
THEY ARE ALL IN A WHIRL 
CHASING ILLUSIONS 
THEY ARE NOT DOING THE WORK
IN GENERAL TERMS 
PEOPLE DOING THE WORK ARE LIKE THIEVES INTENT ON STEALING OTHERS' VALUABLES 
WHEN THEY ARE WALKING
THEY ARE WALKING INTENT ON STEALING 
AND WHEN THEY ARE SITTING THEY ARE SITTING INTENT ON STEALING
WHEN AT LEISURE THEY ARE INTENT ON STEALING AT LEISURE 
AND WHEN IN A HURRY THEY ARE INTENT ON STEALING IN A HURRY
WHY WOULD THEY WILLINGLY REVEAL THEIR INTENTION OF STEALING 
SO OTHERS COULD SEE ?
THE KEENER THEIR INTENT TO STEAL 
THE MORE THEY KEEP IT A HIDDEN SECRET 
IF YOU CAN BE LIKE THIS IN EVERY STATE OF MIND 
IN EVERY MOMENT OF THOUGHT 
AND CONTINUE THUS UNREMITTINGLY FOR A LONG TIME 
SURELY YOU WILL REACH THE STAGE OF THE ANCIENTS
THIS IS NOT LIKE THOSE WHO ARE UNABLE TO BE THE MASTER STEADILY TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY
BUT JUST WANT TO FORCIBLY BE THE MASTER WHILE GOING ALONG WITH THE WHIRL OF RANDOM THOUGHTS 
RUSHING TO THEIR OFFICES TO IMITATE A POSTURE WHILE FRANTICALLY SEEKING 
THOUGHT AFTER THOUGHT
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT
UNWILLING TO STOP AND REST
HOW CAN THEY EVER FIND ACCORD ?"
perhaps he too has made the same association 
he sighs like one who knows he is about to be put through a serious ordeal 
he still tries to smile : just a few good ones 
excuse my irony 
but believe me it applies to me 
not you
i can see my situation quite clearly 
here i am a bachelor who lives alone with his mother 
with no love affairs 
the perfect candidate for being a homosexual 
it's the first thing you think about 
and although i have never had any such signs before 
i have started to think about it myself 
and it's in these instances that i start to ask myself : am i gay ?
that's when i let myself be seduced by some girl
i ask myself if in this strange way of telling me about his sentimental affairs there doesn't by chance lurk some new sort of ruse 
HE REALIZES HE HAS JUST USED AN UNUSUAL LANGUAGE AND IMMEDIATELY POINTS OUT : I DON'T WANT TO SEEM BOASTFUL 
BUT I HAVE QUITE A LOT OF SUCCESS WITH WOMEN 
IF I AVOID THEM IT'S ONLY FOR THE REASON I HAVE JUST EXPLAINED 
don't you think there's some sort of contradiction in avoiding women out of deference
and then searching for them in order to prove your virility ?
WHEN I AM ADMITTED TO THE ASYLUM I CONSENT TO OBEY THE RULES OF THE ASYLUM AND ALLOW BOTH MY INCOMING AND OUTGOING LETTERS TO BE INSPECTED BY THE DOCTOR AND TO BE CENSORED AT THE DISCRETION OF THE DOCTOR 
SINCE I AM A VOLUNTARY PATIENT 
I ESCAPE A TRANQUILLISING INJECTION WHICH IS OTHERWISE COMPULSORY TO ALL NEW PATIENTS
now i want to kiss my large envelope